Personal Development & Leadership
Leadership Quality – Vulnerability
Aside Posted on Updated on
One of the most ignored yet most powerful leadership traits is vulnerability. It is also the rarest of all the leadership traits that we all get to see. However, vulnerability when practiced with sincerity magnifies the power and influence of a leader beyond the imagination of logical mind. So, what is vulnerability? Vulnerability brings a perception of humility in a leader. Vulnerable leaders are seen as approachable and more importantly they do not block themselves from the outside world but because of their vulnerability people are always expressing their views and ideas to such leaders, whether good or bad, positive or negative. This ensures that these leaders are in a state of awareness in coming to decisions as every time they are taking everyone’s views in mind. And this awareness allows them to keep their minds open and also ensures that they keep their ears to the ground.
“Vulnerability is the core of shame and struggle, and fear, and our struggle for worthiness. But it appears that it is also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging and love.”
~ Dr. Brene Brown
Does this mean that lack of vulnerability will guarantee that you cannot become a powerful leader? Well of course no. There are few examples of leaders who were not vulnerable but they had their impact on this world. One good example is Steve Jobs. Hardly vulnerable but was able to produce an impact that very few can match in ages to come. Most of the dictators will also come under this category. They are scared to be seen as vulnerable. However, these leaders have never been loved by people. They cannot become people leaders. There is always a huge risk involved with never being vulnerable both to the people around you and to you.
Chances are that sometimes we can be wrong and if we are not listening to those around us, until we are perfect human beings, then we have stopped our own growth. Leadership is all about making the life of people good. These people could be the customers and clients we work for and also the people who we have at hand in our teams who work with us to deliver great product or service. Ideally to expect someone to do quality work without keeping them positively motivated is almost impossible.
What can I do to become a vulnerable leader?
First what-is-in-it for-you. This is what you can expect. Love and respect from people you work with or deal with. Every human being loves humility and when you show that you can be wrong and you accept it without bringing your big fat ego in between then you are in the right course.
Now, to answer the how-to-do-it part, it is very simple – every time you make a mistake, accept it and take the blame. If at times people are angry and throwing their emotions at you, you should discipline yourself to accept it humbly bowing down. If you are confused about what to do, instead of showing false confidence confide with your team and take their suggestions. It will mean that you will have to throw the mask on your face and be brave to show to the world the real you. You will be loved and respected for the character that you have and not for the slippery reputation that you showcase. This will also help you build strong and magical bond of trust and respect with people around you. You will make everyone so comfortable to that they will never like to leave your company. In the long run, your influence will reach beyond your imagination.
Is it easy to do exercise?
Initially it may not be, especially if you are not already used to acting vulnerable. However, the fruits of this are too sweet not to try being one. It will require first creating breakthrough by being vulnerable where it is relatively easier to be so and then slowly moving up, raising the stakes and making it a discipline to do so.
It will also help build a culture of honesty and trust within your teams.
Hope you like this
I would love you to suggest some examples of leaders (it could also be leaders at home – your mother, father, brother or managers or anyone you have known, heard or read about) who are vulnerable and you or people just love them.
Eager to hear from you.
Have fun!
3 Coaching Lessons for Coaches, Trainers & Leaders
- Spend 99% time on finding the problem – One of the biggest problems in feedback or mentoring is called I-know-the-problem syndrome. If you are a coach chances are very high that you suffer from this disease, if not all the time; definitely many a times. Here is what you should do, every time your feedback seems to be falling to deaf ears or not yielding desired results you must give it a thought, a serious thought, that this may be (and in almost all the cases it is right) a result of I-know-the-problem syndrome. Clear all other thoughts from your head and tell yourself that you don’t know the real problem and go ahead to find it out.
- Look for long-term solution – Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. This is what Maimonides wrote in 11th century. Well, he knew the truth long back; however, most of the coaches and mentors end up giving fishes than teaching how to fish; isn’t this alarming. The reasons for doing so could be many; e.g. lack of sufficient time, pressure etc. However, there are 2 reasons why you should always keep this in mind:
There is no other way to coach/teach. Any coach, mentor or leader who excels should never doubt this fact. Giving feedback is like selling and as we all know we cannot sell anything but the only thing we can do is tell the customer why it is important for them and how it will change their life and they will buy it.Giving one time solutions is time-taking and painful process and it is practically impossible to keep doing this for a longer period of time. Moreover, if you keep doing this, with passage of time your influence over people will sharply dip.
- Offer best incentive to your employee – While your immediate need is getting the job done, the same is true for the employees too. However, there is something more to it and you must not forget this. The real joy for any person is getting a direction in life and to see every day that they are marching towards their life goals. The keenness to learn will improve significantly if they see this happening. However, this is often ignored which makes people doubt your intentions. They start feeling that they are being pushed to do things that they don’t want to do. You have to show interest in your people’s life because that is what matters to them the most.
Best Wishes,
Harsh
How to choose the right Job?
Get a job where you can give more instead of one where you would get more. This is quite opposite of the normal thinking, however, if you understand the psychology behind it, you would know why we say so.
What does job require? It requires you to give your time, skills and effort to add value to an organization and in return you are paid. Now, look at this, most people who I have checked with say that they are paid for the time and skill they bring in. No one talked about adding value to the organization or increasing the profitability. At least, I am sure they do not say that they are going to increase the profitability of the organization everyday before setting their foot in the office premises. And when you don’t say it, you normally don’t do it.
If you want to understand why very few make it to the top, you will realize it has got less to do with opportunities but more to do with ‘proper alignment’. Any organization will pay you more when you add value to it. Any organization will pay you more when you showcase that you can improve their profitability. Increasing organizational profitability should be the key area of focus in your mind at all times. This is why a manager gets paid more because if he helps each member of team to work slightly better it adds up to quite a lot for the team.
Most people choose a line of work, a job where they get paid more. Anyone who understands the way we humans are designed would tell you that there is a deep desire within us to ‘contribute’ and that is the primary reason for us to work. So the motivation for us to work is not due to money primarily, it is due to this deep desire or ‘voice‘ (as Stephen Covey puts it in his best-seller ‘The 8th Habit‘) within to ‘contribute’ and to “Realize our Full Potential“. This has got nothing to do with money. However, we all know that we cannot survive without money so we need to earn. Those who are hugely successful tap this deep desire and plan their life in a manner that they are earning and at the same time they are fulfilling their deepest desire. No doubt, they tap the treasure-house of motivation and hence make huge amount of money.
If you are planning for long-term, always choose a work that is in tune with your ‘deepest desire’ your ‘inner voice’. It’s always give and take and not take and give. Take and give may work in very short-term. You get in return of giving. Your salary, your paycheck should become like a return-gift, positively influencing others to give you a gift as wonderful as the one you gave to them.
When you choose work/job where you can give more then,
1. You will never be stressed
2. Demand will always be less than what you can offer
3. Quality of your work, the value add, will largely be independent of what you are getting but will improve exponentially irrespective of the situation outside.
4. You will never be questioned as to why should you be paid what you are being paid.
5. You will be able to champion your skills faster, better and will look forward to each day with the eyes of a kid who just goes out to grab his bucket full of treasure everyday when he sets out.
Best Wishes…
Harsh
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Why Education?
Life is an unanswered question, but let’s still believe in the dignity and importance of the question.
–Tennessee Williams
I hope I have not offended anyone with the title of the post. I sincerely believe in the dignity of questions. I also believe equally in asking questions with dignity with respect. Sometimes you see failure of present generation and cannot help but notice that it was for the fact that the past generation failed to ask a simple ‘why’ to their parents and grandparents and to all the learned people who lived along with them. A strong society cannot survive until it questions the existing rules, regulations & norms.
Let’s come back to the burning question here.
Why Education?
What is the meaning of education?
What is the purpose it serves?
Let us ask the question – what is the purpose of education?
Education, as I understand was meant to strengthen the society. Society consists of rich, poor and all the other divisions that we have managed to create so far, and because we are working passionately on dividing we will keep making more and more divisions as we progress. I, sitting here in Bangalore, can think of dozens of cases in recent past where the so-called elite, the educated people of the society, have committed crimes like murder of their own family members (read husband/wife) and numerous other crimes. Shockingly a lot of these were the highly educated people. Now after this if I ask myself, is education system a failure or a grand success. I do not have to think even for a split second what the answer should be?
If this was a small number of people we could have ignored, however, what I presented above was an extreme case. What we also see in everyday life is somehow the focus, the primary priority of education, has shifted to preparing people to build career but never any good amount of work is done to face the challenges of life. Where does this leave us? A society which is weak in character, that is because there is no character building exercise taken up in schools and colleges. If at all it is done, it is a mere formality. Worse yet, most of the parents are not trained enough to do this.
Someone rightly said – if you have to test a man’s character, give him a lot of money.
I am not saying having money is a crime, but I am surely saying lots of money and no character is a disaster any society cannot afford to take. And yes, I do not have to mention, young people today are earning lots as compared to what their parents and grandparents might have earned at their age. But what about character building exercise.
This is what Martin Luther King, Jr had to say about education.
The function of education is to teach one to think intensively and to think critically. Intelligence plus character – that is the goal of true education.
As we move ahead measuring our growth in terms of economy, GDP, capturing new markets etc etc; we cannot afford to ignore the most fundamental indicators of growth, i.e. education. We are moving in the wrong direction and in our case moving quite fast.
I leave you with this note from one of the giants whose imprints on time cannot be ignored.
Character, in the long run, is the decisive factor in the life of an individual and of nations alike.
–Theodore Roosevelt
So, I think now I can ask a new question – Why this education system?
Best Wishes…
Harsh
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Tell us what you are thinking… Leave your comment…
Intensity Check
Do you want to be successful? Do you want to live a happy life? Do you want more money? Do you want a life where you can choose your vacations whenever you want and get it? Do you want to spend your life with a man or woman of impeccable character? Do you want a beautiful wife? Do you want a good-looking husband? Do you want healthy life?
Whatever we want, this is, by any iota of doubt, the first question we need to ask ourselves – what do I want? Simple isn’t it. However, would you not be surprised if I say that about over 90% of population do not know what they want. Even those who think they know what they want are doing things that others want them to do?
Man has the power of choice. This is a boon and a bane. Surprisingly for most of us it is a bane. Why because we don’t even understand the faculty, the resource, the tool that helps us make decisions i.e. our mind. And hence, mind gets successful in playing tricks with us. Mind does plays tricks and it is quite smart in doing so.
So, the very first step is decide what you want. And secondly, to avoid mind playing tricks sit back and see your future, how is your intensity of achieving your desires fairing in different time-zones. Like, how are you feeling when after 5 months of trying to get what you want, you still do not have it? You have got health problems as soon as you started working towards your goals and now it’s already some time, how are you feeling? Your family, friends and loved ones are all with you despite you failing, has your personal intensity faded? Your do not have any support from your loved ones, how is your intensity now?
If you do a prognosis of your goals in above mentioned way, you can clearly see your intensity fading or growing stronger. If it does grow stronger, then it means the goals you have set for yourself are your own goals. If it does fade then you are trying to do something to please someone or you are taking a wrong decision under some sort of pressure. If you are acting under pressure, you will fail or you will spend the rest of life wearing a mask and will just about manage your life but will never be able to lead your life.
Aptly said:
“No man for any considerable period can wear one face to himself, and other to the multitude without finally getting bewildered as to which may be true.” – Nathaniel Hawthorne
God Bless…
Harsh
Purpose 