Let’s think… Yes, I mean think a little deeply… deeper than what we do? Let us try to understand a man (or a woman; I don’t want to sound gender biased here!). So like we always do, let us divide ourselves into four different levels that we live in. They are:
Today we will talk about the emotional part; the 3rd level of our being. Given the kind of culture we have been brought up in and the kind of lifestyle we get used to, we spend a lot of time on the mental and physical level.
I am keeping this post very simple. The purpose of this post is to give you a simple tip to shift your emotions from the normal undisciplined and wayward mode to the more purposeful and disciplined mode. The effects of doing what we are going to do are:
We will have a lot of control over our emotions.
We will be the chariot rider for our emotions and not the horses being driven by it.
It will give us a subtle sense of understanding about who we are once we practice this exercise for about 15-30 days.
Does this mean we will have to do something out of the ordinary or take a few hours out of our hectic schedules? No, you do not have to because that kind of plan is hard to execute and any plan which is difficult to execute is a bad plan, isn’t it?
So, what’s the plan?
If you can take out about 5-15 minutes in morning and same in the evening this can give us a good start. Is it “doable”? If, it is; let’s begin then.
What would you do in just 5-15 minutes? You can do wonders! You can start a process which we have long forgotten. And this process, if you start enjoying; trust me, you will love not to miss any day. How powerful it is? Well, I will only say, feel it to believe it.
What’s the science behind it?
Emotions are more powerful than logic. To support this, I would like to quote none other than Dale Carnegie, the author of the book – “How To Win friends and Influence People”. He said:
“When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.”
One of these people he was referring to is “You” and “I”; of course. Emotional intelligence – needless to say – has become a force to reckon with in the last decade or so. Even spirituality recognizes emotions and all the subtle forces more powerful than the logical mind.
How will this 5-15 min help?
Depending on what kind of person you are – if you can meditate do that just to calm down your mind – or if you can close your eyes and in the darkness find out amongst the thousands of things making your mind go haywire which are the thoughts you will chose to think about, what work you are going to do, what are the most important things for you to focus on which can take you to where you want to be.
“Where focus goes, energy flows” – Tony Robbins
The purpose is to have a small conversation, a beautiful conversation with the most important person in your life. The purpose is to give that person a fixed time, so that he/she feels being cared for and being looked after. Put your points to that person, say that you will think this and focus on “A” because this is what you want to become, want to have or want to contribute. If you just shower this bit of care and value to the person hiding inside you, you can go places. Because wherever you go, he will never leave you and hence this relationship with this person is the most important relationship you need to start building.
In this small time, you would have shifted the focus of your mind to the most valuable things of your life and hence can create a strong shift in your emotions. When you get out of this small session – you will know your priorities crystal clear. Stephen Covey said it so well, “Effective leadership is putting first things first. Effective management is discipline, carrying it out.”
One of the most important habits that self-made millionaires focus on is the habit of ‘excelling in their priorities’. Too many people are working hard. You need to work hard but on the most vital areas of your life and this small time you will spend with yourself will help you achieve this.
Why morning and evening?
Emotions have a strange way of working as compared to mind. Untrained, they take you on a topsy-turvy round. Anyone who had a bad start to the day would know that it is not only the bad start that kills but it is what follows a bad start that is more dangerous. A bad start somehow attracts similar experiences throughout the day. A good session in morning will keep the momentum all along the day. At night, it works because when you come in agreement with what is important and what is not; you transfer the priorities to the subconscious and let it work all night on it. Next morning, you get up with the first thoughts of your truly valuable priorities and a sense of amazing clarity. You feel happy and your mind has something to work on, not just something but something that is really vital for you.
Remember – Mind is a good servant but a bad master
The single most important reason which acts as hurdle in the way of empowering employees is the reluctance on the part of management to let go of control.
The fear to let go arises from the lack of belief in oneself and lack of knowledge of laws and principles of natural leadership
To empower others would start with empowering oneself.
To empower oneself first there is a serious need to see that there is a need to empower oneself.
Growth is natural, you either grow else you shrink. This is how nature has designed us. It has left us with a responsibility to grow and it penalizes us if we do not grow by cutting us in size in its own way.
It is amazingly surprising to realize that if we only make a resolution to grow everyday, how much more we can accomplish.
It is not unrealistic to say that the potential of human resource that we have been able to tap is just the tip of the iceberg.
Empower Yourself – Empower Others
Empower Others – Let go
Let go – Make a new beginning
Stay hungry, stay foolish
When you say that your child is not doing well, what do you mean?
Is it that your child is not doing well according to how you define ‘well’ or is it that your child is actually not doing well?
More often than not it turns out that the problem lies in how you define doing well’. I mean to say the strict, fixated framework that you want your child to fit into. To be very honest, if you allow your child to grow and take the onus of just nurturing the talent that he/she is born with, that will be enough. You really do not have to force them to become what you want them to be, they will flourish only when allowed that space to grow.
Watch this video from the movie Kung Fu
Often, when we’re looking for an answer, we “turn up the volume” of our thinking. This might be called active problem solving. We think, think, think—and then we think some more. We get personally involved in the process.
For the most part, when we are actively thinking, we’re thinking about that which we already know, that with which we are familiar. We try to solve a problem at the same level of understanding that initially created it. And often we go around in circles.
Recently I was engaged in an interpersonal conflict with someone I was working with. In my mind, I was blaming him for virtually all of our problems. The more I thought about it, the more convinced I was that the problem was with him. It got so bad that I considered breaking up the friendship, which, to that point, had been very pleasing.
Then another friend of mine suggested I stop thinking about it entirely and postpone making any decisions. He suggested instead that I take it easy and spend some time in quiet reflection. I took his advice.
As I quieted down, it became clear to me that a great deal of our problems were actually coming from me. I could see how I was contributing to our poor communication and had many unrealistic expectations.
Let’s assume you want to buy a new car. Now let’s say the following loudly and notice your feeling each time you say:
I should… buy a new car
I must… buy a new car
I have to… buy a new car
Let’s do the same exercise with the below sentences:
I would love to… buy a new car
I will… buy a new car
I could… buy a new car
I’d like to… buy a new car
You would have noticed that every time you say a different sentence you feel different i.e. each of the above sentences create different emotions. I’d assume you all agree to it (provided you actually said these loudly). However, if you notice minutely; you would also notice that the second set of sentences made you feel more positive than the first set.
Where does that leave us?
Our study of NLP says when you say positive, you start thinking positive i.e. it alters the way you think which in turn practiced over a relatively longer period of time creates positive changes in your external reality.
If you look at the same from perspective of Creative Mind study; positive sentences here, created positive emotions and our creative mind works on the principle of law of attraction i.e. like emotions create like reality which means if you feel positive now, you are placing an order to the universe to offer you more similar experiences and events.
All said, take this simple exercise for a few days; look at what are you saying. See if you can bring small alterations in your sentences, just for the fun of it. I am sure if you do this for some time you will start enjoying the experience of it and also you may see someone close admiring this change in you. Don’t look for an immediate change in external reality, however, to be honest, you should and you must do this. I am saying this because while you may not be able to notice the negative impact of some things that you say has in your life (purely because you have been like this for a long time); it’s always better to run away from such habits.